Nothing but blue skies.

I didn't blog over the weekend.  I didn't have much to say.
I guess it's because I was into my own thoughts, and trying to work them out.
Sometimes, it's just that way.

So yesterday after the obligatory trip to the Salvation Army with my mother, where the pastor made rude and inappropriate remarks about the President of the United States, and I ceased trying to hide that I was reading my Kindle throughout the ENTIRE SERVICE;   I took myself for a ride.

It was chilly, but the sun was beyond lovely, and I needed to get away from all human form.
I needed to be with ME.

 

I knew what was coming today, and I needed to prepare myself.  There were places I needed to go, and tears I needed to cry, and feelings I needed to acknowledge.

And I did.

 

Even though it was still winter in the woods, it was beautiful to my eyes.  It was soothing to my soul.

Next week, I am having surgery AGAIN.  This one is a Posteria Fossa Revision, or in other words, a surgery to remove the scar tissue between the rods on my cervical spine, and thus stop the displacement of my poor brain, AGAIN.

So yesterday, I processed all this.
Today, I am being Scarlett O'Hara.  I'll think about it tomorrow.
Right now, I'm knitting, and being in the moment.

 I'm thinking about blue skies, even if they are all in my head.
Pun intended.

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Ahhhhhhh

I finally heard about my CT scan, and I can't keep you in suspense.
I needed some good news, because  I have more porch rugs to weave.

 Here is what the doctor said: 

The CT of the spine is somewhat reassuring.  The bone does not seem to be growing.  The bone does not distort the brain or spinal cord on this study.  You only would need a second surgery if you were having a tough time.  You are not in danger.  If we need to do something it would be just drilling out the middle of the fusion mass.  There would be no need to redo the fusion.  While not a minor surgery it would be no where near the stress of your previous surgery.  I will show the films to Dr. Latefi if he is available tomorrow and could call you afterwords if you would like. 

HLR

 

 You can bet I told him to call me tomorrow.  I asked some questions, and I want to know what the other surgeon says, the one who fused my spine.

 

I am encouraged today. 

I know now that if there needs to be another surgery, they can do it.

 

 

 

And it is also very reassuring to hear him say that it would not be as difficult a surgery as the one last August.

 

 

 So tonight, I will take some Motrin for my headache, put some heat on my neck, and pray for some relief.At least there is an answer, and if it doesn't go away, or ease up on its own, there is a fix.

That is a gift, my friends, a real gift.  

I want to grow old(er) quietly, weaving my life in color and texture, one day at a time.
 

Giving thanks for every chance I get  to do it again.

 

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Guest Post

"Oh, no, here comes a camera.  Now it will start;  first she has to start hamming it up so that Mom

will start clicking pictures of her.

Then the same old line over and over again, "Does this rug make my legs look short?"

She's lucky I'm not Tanya Harding."

I try to ignore her, but it's hard to ignore.........the "elephant in the room"....hee hee........I know I'm
being catty, but I can't help it, you have NO idea how hard it is to live with HER.

"Are you talking to ME?? "

"OR, are you talking about me.....AGAIN??"
Sydney asked with a smile.

 This has been a guest post, photos and text,  by "L" (Lois) otherwise known as the apprentice weaver who does not like cats.
Yeah, right.

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Back to the core.

Well, here it is a few days later.
After my last post on Friday, I cried a lot.  I stomped around.  I got angry, and then sad.
I felt overwhelmed, cheated, duped, tricked.
I stayed awake all night, thinking about all the horrible things that might be about to happen to me.
I worried.
The possibilities, the pain, the recovery.  Or the lack of one.

I cried some more.

I asked the UNIVERSE, WHY?
I looked for some meaning in all of it, and came up empty handed.

I had a headache on Friday and Saturday that just about put me to my knees. That didn't help my
outlook.
I got offended when those close to me tried to pacify me with platitudes, like "everything is going to be just fine."  I wanted my fear to be acknowledged, even if it couldn't be driven away.

Then yesterday, my headache lifted a little. I took a breath.  I tried to find my center.  I tried to push the craziness away.
Today, again,  was more bearable.

This morning, over my morning cuppa tea, I took myself over to Vicky's blog, that I've been following for a long time.
It's HERE.
I listened to her last post, with my heart.  It's hard to listen to her any other way.
I was humbled.

I took Roy for a morning walk, and through even more tears was grateful for more things than I can count.
And I turned it around.
I started thinking about something other than the "what ifs".
I thought once again about that saying that has been my life raft for 20 years now.

"And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment."
There is more, but that's the first line, and the one engraved in my head.  Along with some extra bone, so the story goes.  (Ha!)  The extra bone is the reality,  that I need to accept as mine, no matter what.

I went to the studio, and got busy.  I refocused to what was right in front of me, because that's always the best place to start.

I cleaned the Living room, and moved some things around.  The clutter  was bothering me.

 I looked at this day, today, and made it mine.

 Then I wove for a while on my towels.  This was my view over the loom.
I listened to classical guitar on Pandora.
I practiced gratitude.  Big. Time.

For those of you who were upset with my doctor, please don't be.
He is a fine surgeon, and a fine human being.
He wanted to do a Skype with me, to save me from the 4+ hour drive one way to his office.
I was the one who said, we don't need to Skype, just shoot me an email.  Enough already with the details. 
I just wanted to know.  That was ME, not him.
Dr. Harold Rekate was the one who looked at my MRI, and identified the problem. It was the same MRI that  I had dragged around for a year, the same one that other neurologists and neurosurgeons had looked at and saw NOTHING.
I don't want another doctor.  Seriously.
You can read about him HERE   He has the kindest face, and when he speaks to you, you know that he really IS that kind.

My CT scan is tomorrow, and I am all set up for our SKYPE appointment afterwards, to discuss the
results.

I read something today that resonated.

It said:     God only gives you what he thinks you can handle.
               Apparently, God thinks I'm a BADASS.


Thank you all, for being out there still, and for holding me so close.

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Marcelle Medallion progress...

Two more borders added...

Lots of fabrics; lots of triangles...

Very blissful sewing!

Marcelle Medallion will have to wait. I'll be sewing with friends all week! Hope to get more of these done...

. . . Cindy

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Soup, towels, and news

My new favorite soup.  L and I agree, we could eat it for lunch every day.
You can make it in your slow cooker, but I made mine on the stove.

It's Cannellini Bean and Kale soup, and the recipe is HERE.
You are going to LOVE it.

I was inspired by Sharon over at In Stitches.
She has been a little obsessed by "turned taquete", and now I know WHY.  Her towels are lovely!!

O.M.G.  I love this.

And it's so easy.  Well, threading 480 threads through the heddles, and sleying the reed was a little time consuming, but the weaving is pure joy.  I'm weaving it on the new (to me) Schacht 36.

I have been convinced that the weather was at the root of my headaches post surgery.
Super sure.
Then today, just a while ago, my surgeon emailed me about the MRI that I had on February 22nd.
Can I just say I was not expecting what I read, not even close.
You know I try to keep you in the loop, right?  Cause I know you all worry, or at least a lot of you do.

Keeping it real, even if it isn't always pretty.  You'll have to be content with unrelated pictures of weaving.

My headache has been increasingly disturbing,  to the point where I said to myself recently: "Something's wrong with my head."
And unfortunately, I was right.
My doctor informed me that the bone morphogenic protein that was used to make certain that my cervical spine fused well, has gone a bit crazy and overgrown much more than they expected.
So now I have to have a CT scan to see what is happening with the overgrown bone, and what can be done about it.
So since I doubt that there is any magic wand that can be waved, nor is there any cure all potion, I think the method of "fixing" it is clear enough that I don't even have to say it.

Can I tell you,  I am very, very disappointed tonight.  I can't really even think very straight about it.
It's just too much to digest.
Maybe I'll just go have a good cry.  Then I will kick myself in the butt, and get over it.
I think.

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Marcelle Medallion

I've been making a mess! But loving every minute of it! The last two days have been spent playing with scraps, piles of fabric...

and a little inspiration board from the latest Anthropologie catalogue...

By Wednesday night I had this, the center block and first border...

Marcelle Medallion quilt from Liberty Love by Alexia Marcelle Abegg...

And by late last night I had border two completed...

This pattern is slow-going, but oh so much fun. I'm using tons of fabrics, each one carefully selected as the quilt grows. The slow creative process is addicting and meditative at the same time. It's why I quilt.

I'm documenting my progress on Instagram (clammon)

Have a great weekend!   . . . Cindy

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