Change.

 To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly.  ~Henri Bergson

You all know the year and a half that I have been through, because I have shared it with you, along the way.  Brain decompression, neck fusion 8/28/12 and revision 3/26/13  ......the whole naked, ugly saga.

This is me, just 10 weeks ago, on my way home after Surgery #2.
It still amazes me what abuse a body can put up with.

It is better now, much better.  I am here.  I am alive.  I am, for the most part, well.
  But it is different.  I am different. 
Brain reboot.  Call it what you want.
I'm different.
Somewhere along the way, I met myself face to face.  And I knew that change was coming.

I still love to weave, I still want it to be an integral part of my life.  I want to dream it, create it, love it.
What I don't want is to work endless days and do production weaving.
Funny actually.  
When I started out weaving, I bantered that phrase "production weaving" around in my head.  Asked myself if I wanted to do that.  And then, without exactly knowing how it came about, I found myself doing just that.  Many rugs a day, stacks of rugs in the shop.  
But even that wasn't the end of it.  Because I had access to thousands of pounds of sock waste, I felt that it was my "responsibility" to recycle all of it, in as many ways as I could.
So my brain shifted into overgear, a place where it's quite comfortable, thank you, and came up with more and more and more work.
Soon I had put together the Hip to Be Square looper loom, the Hip to Be Square Rag Rug kit, the Walking on Sunshine braided rug kit, the Chunky rug, the Walking on Sunshine rug, the Sweet Bottom chair pads............are you tired yet??
And then the Prime Mate sock monkey, and the 3 sizes of Socketbooks.  Whew.

All this in EXCESS of my regular weaving of rag rugs, blue jean rugs, placemats, tote bags, mug rugs................custom orders, weaving weekends.
Do you get the picture???
To be honest, the only reason I have been able to keep it going this last two years is because I have in "L", a friend and apprentice  that loves Crazy as a Loom.  She has worked hard, and picked up the huge slack that occurred when I was suddenly NOT myself.

Wake up call: you can become "someone other than yourself" at any moment.  It happens.

The thing is, I will never be that person I was before.  It is a hard truth to swallow, but I can't change it.   I can only learn to adapt to this new reality.
I will never want to weave many rugs a day.   And I don't want to spend my time at the studio doing NON WEAVING chores.
That doesn't work for me.

Like I said.  Change is coming.


All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.  ~Anatole France

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A day of rest. wow.

Sunday.  One of those days.
Quiet.  And that's ok.

I was touched by Cait's post HERE over at Barefoot Weaver.  She talked about sometimes just not feeling all wonderful about her life, even though she knows she should.
Ain't it the truth though?
Your rational mind tells you that you should be grateful, you should be happy, you should be bouncing back from whatever blows life is dealing you.
But one day you wake up, and you can't go with any of that.
Nothing seems right.  Nothing feels right.  You start this, and move on to that.  You can't get interested in anything, or motivated in any meaningful way.
Everything just seems to suck, and you can't snap out of it.

That's when I say to myself: It's ok.  Tomorrow is another day.  It will be better tomorrow.
And usually, it is.

All winter long, between surgeries, with my life and my well being hanging in the balance, or at least it seemed that way, I thought about all the things I wanted to do with my one "wild and precious life".
Taking time to just be in the moment seemed to be at the center of every scenario I came up with.

I'm practicing.

Siting on the porch today listening to the wind chimes, I was reminded to listen to that inner voice, the one that tells me it's going good, or not so much.

Nexxie kept me company.

 He knows exactly how to live in the moment.

 We can learn so much from our cats and dogs.  All we have to do is be still, and listen.

 Today I'm just keeping still, and listening closely.
It's all good.

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Panoramic

In light of the storms heading our way, Roy and I were out walking before 8am.
As much as he loves his morning nap, he is always up for his morning walk.

Finally got my "upholstery fabric" rug off the loom.  It really  turned out nicer than I had hoped.  And it is thick, and heavy.  It should last a long time.
It is 33" x 52", and will be on the web site soon.

 My stomach has been a little off, so I skipped lunch, and had a protein shake.
Protein powder, frozen strawberries, half a banana, and almond milk.

 While L was enjoying a  turkey sub (and chips) for lunch, I was playing with the "panorama" setting on my iPhone camera.
Pretty darn cool.

 

I will admit that I found it by accident.  Who knew?

It does give you a better feel for what the studio is like.

 

This is the "old kitchen", with the door to the back porch finally open.
That box is FULL of cut upholstery fabric.

 Yes, it's true, there are looms in every room.
Excepting the bathrooms.
Only because they are too small.

 I have realized that recovery from two surgeries on my head may take a year, or more.
I try to pace myself every day.  It's tough.  You can imagine.
There is so much to do.

I am revamping my ideas about what the studio means to me, about what a "productive" day really looks like, and how living in the now can change everything.

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Steam Punk Quilt and some updates!

So June is turning out to be a crazy, fun, busy month. Both my kids are in the process of moving this month. My son is off to a great new job in Toledo, Ohio. Can any of you Buckeyes recommend some quilt shops to see when we go and visit?

And we're enjoying hanging with this guy and his 2 sisters for the next few weeks until their new house in the DC area is ready.

My husband asked me a few weeks ago if I knew what Steampunk was. My answer was - yes, it's the name of the quilt I'm working on. "No" - he says. It's a genre, culture, style. I had no clue, so I started doing a little online research and found out the quilt pattern definitely fits the name!

My quilt is a bit less "Steampunky", but I finished the top this week and couldn't be happier with it!

I used a lot of my favorite "funky" fabrics, very few florals and a lot of geometric patterns. The sashing is Moda Bella Zen Gray and the setting triangles are a piece from "Washi", Rashida Coleman Hale's earlier line.

I thought of showing you some close-ups of my favorite blocks, but there are too many! Here are a few...

The pattern suggested a rogue block (using different fabrics for the blades and/or backgrounds). This is about as rogue as I get :)

Some Geekly Chic...

Some Glimma...

More Geekly Chic...

I also got my May Redbird Bee block completed. Linda chose this adorable appliqué design and gave us free reign as to the placement of the bird and leaves.

And finally, we Redbirds stick together. Last Friday night tornados ripped through the St Louis area. My friend and Bee buddy, Kyndra had some major damage to her home. Luckily she and her family were not injured, but her house is uninhabitable. She did save her sewing machine and fabric though! She blogs at Sewlio and has been working on her first pattern designs. She used my Sunburst pattern as inspiration for this quilt and took it in a whole new direction! I know she'd appreciate an encouraging comment from some fellow quilters!

And finally, if you've clicked over from your reader, you may have noticed that my header has disappeared. I'm not really sure why that happened, but I have Beth Bradford working on a whole new design for me! Stay tuned!!

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Busy, busy, busy

Our inner porch, the "shipping department" has been cluttered and cramped for a long time.

Then we yanked the selvedge bales out of there.

And organized.

And NOW, at last, we can use this door that goes from the inner porch to the old kitchen.

For the first time in a long time.

 

I love the pitch pine floors in this old house.

 They just glow.

Looms waiting in the corner.  Two wolf pups, and a Harrisville studio loom.

 This one belonged to a friend of mine.  I'm selling it for her.

 Next is adjusting to being the solo "porch cat".  But I've pretty much decided that he won't have to stay outside alone in the cold when winter comes.
The four brats inside will have to adjust to #5.
He's really such a good boy.

Here is the first rug out of the upholstery fabric.  I still don't have it all cut, and I'm sewing it as I need it.  I am liking the way it's turning out.

L's sock rugs are airing out on the porch.  These are the sherbert rugs, and their colors were obtained by bleaching loopers.  They still smell a little of bleach, so they need a little breeze.  But I am loving the colors.  There won't be any more of these, as I am retiring my "bleaching routine".

 Ah, well, the times they are a changin'.

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Monday

I am convinced that things in my head were moved around during surgery, maybe not much, but how much does it take for changes to occur??
I'm only half kidding.
Two migraines, complete with visual auras, which in my case are jagged lights that make it difficult to read and last about 20 minutes, before the sledge hammer connects with your forehead.  Two days in a row.
You think headaches would be so old hat, eh??
On Saturday, I plowed through it, refusing to lie down or anything else sensible, and paid the price.
Last night when it happened, I let Roy out, back in, and said, BEDTIME.  He was all for that.
Still light out?
No problem.
So today I figured it was worth a trip to the doctor to get some good stuff to take when you know it's coming, since Motrin did not even get noticed.
Or maybe, now that I've got a prescription, I won't have them.

This morning, being so well rested, I was up at the crack of dawn, and raring to go.

The porch at the studio needed cleaning.
 I think it looks pretty good.

The mourning dove that makes her nest every year over my hot tub has had two babies.

The other day I noticed that Momma was gone, and the babies looked poised for flight.  And certainly big enough to go.

The next day they were gone.

Lois has  been weaving off the last of the bleached loopers.  32" x 52".
I love the colors.

Mother is home.  Stable on new meds.
The heat wave is over.  Sun is shining, sweet breeze is blowing.
Yarn is in the mail.
I'm prepared for another migraine, should it occur.
 Warp is tied on for point twill towels.
Tomorrow, I'm going to weave.  Simple.  Uncomplicated.
Please God.

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Stormy weather.

Can I just tell ya, it's been a crazy weekend.

It started Friday morning, when I rushed my mother to the ER with chest pain.
 Don't worry, she LOVES to have me post pictures of her.

She is stable now, but of course, it entails me running back and forth to the hospital several times a day, taking her things, waiting for the doctor to come around, etc
She did have a slight heart attack, but you'd never know it.
Must be that tough British blood.

On top of which, it's been NINETY+ degrees, which slows a body down some.
Roy does not like the heat, and on the few, short walks I've taken him on in the last couple of days, he persisted in looking up at me like he was sure I was out of my mind.
I usually try to go early in the morning when it is going to be so hot later in the day.  It's much nicer for both of us, and it's usually quiet.

 

Then yesterday on the way to feed the cats at the studio, I had the aura.....you migraine sufferers know what I mean.  The jagged light in the corner of your eye.  I took some Motrin as soon as I got there, but it was too late, and the rest of the day I was pretty useless.

I put a warp on my 8 harness Baby Wolf, and maybe it's because my new brain doesn't work as well, or maybe I was distracted, or tired, or who knows what the heck else, but I ended up with the warp from H.E.L.L.  Me and my migraine were no match for it.

I am still not done with point twill.

I am making a baby dress for my new grandbaby, and realized when I got the front done, that I would not have enough yarn, no matter what the pattern said.  And btw, I am not impressed with Debbie Bliss' instructions.  They suck.
 Good thing I am stubborn.  Or so it's said.  And I called the store, they had a couple of skeins of the same dye lot left, and they are sending them to me.
 I am going to make little mary jane shoes to go with it.
It's not newborn sized though, it's for when she gets on her feet.  See me grinning???

This afternoon, the sky opened up.  It rained and rained and rained, then thunder and lightning so close I thought it hit the house next door.  Then sirens in the distance.
When it stopped, I decided to take Roy for a walk in what I thought would be nice, cool, after the rain trip.  But as we got down the road, the sky opened up.......again.
I'm sure he thinks I'm crazy now.
Not to be deterred, we waited an hour, and tried it again.  This time was a go.


And now, the sun is shining, and it is POURING once again.
But the flowers need it.

And I'm ready for the week.

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