With my surgical date fast approaching, I am parceling out my time.
I did go to the studio, and did some catching up, but my head that RULES said no weaving today.
No sewing today. NO LIKE REAL WORK TODAY.
So I listened, and came home.
One of my priorities is to walk Roy every day before I go, even if I have to push myself to do it.
I've discovered, that if opening your eyes widely is painful in the sun, you can really walk with your eyes half mast, as long as you're on the road, and you know where you are. With my eyes closed, or very nearly, I am most aware of Roy's little BIG feet tapping quickly along the pavement, his tags jingling on his collar, and the sound of the wind in the trees.
It was a cool wind on my face, but not the kind that makes you hurry to get home. It was refreshing, and good.
We walked for an hour, and now he's snoring beside me.
That was my priority today.
I'm going to hate leaving him, he's somewhat attached at my hip.
Someone said to me the other day......."you're so strong."
Ah, not so much.
The plain, unvarnished truth is that I looked at the situation from all sides. I tipped it up, and turned it over, investigated, googled, stayed up all night worrying.
I imagined every possible thing that could go wrong, every unbelievable and tragic outcome.
I cried. I hated it right down to my toes. I talked it out.
Then I cried some more.
Then I shook my fist at the sky, and said, "This is not what I expected."
Then, unnerved, and a little disgusted, I said to myself. "I need to make a plan."
So I did.
My plan is simple. To the point.
Just like I learned in AlAnon so many years ago, when my life seemed so unmanageable. I'm living it one day at a time.
I do what's right in front of me. This day. This minute. This hour. It's the only thing that really belongs to me. One foot in front of the other. Living my life like Roy does.
Walking when there's a walk to be had. Napping when the sun in on my favorite blankie. Eating when my dish is full. Life on life's terms. What a concept.
Worrying about what's coming tomorrow, or the next day, or the next day, is simply a waste of my time. Worrying won't change one whit of it.
So I refuse to do it.
I am going about the business of living, to the best of my ability right now, one day at a time.
And I'll do that very same thing, tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow.
I don't have to like all this.
As Sydney says:
"This is a revolting turn of events."
I agree Syd. But like it or not, I do have to accept it.
This is my life, and my path.
I can only do the best I can do.
One. Day. At. A. Time.
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