Ack. Life can be so hard sometimes.
I really could not do it other than ONE DAY AT A TIME.
Even thinking about it any other way is impossible for me.
My head will be the death of me probably. It's hard to explain it. I am sure there is someone in the world who has a similar experience. I just don't know them.
My headache is different these days. I still have it. Every. Day.
Amazing, right? A headache every day since October 2011.
I can't believe it myself.
Then I think about what they did, TWICE, when they were banging around inside my head.
I try to understand it, figure it out, come to terms with it. It's become such a big part of my story, I
honestly can't imagine my life any other way.
In the course of a day, my headache changes 7-10 times, from "barely there", to a fist in the temple, to a smasher.
Last week, on one particularly horrible day, I texted my friend who also had surgery for Chiari, without the neck fusion. She said years later, she still has bad days. She says you just have to "Scrap All Expectations".
That may have to be my "go to" motto. On days that just don't cut it, when nothing seems to work, I may have to S.A.E.
Acceptance.
I don't think that stress helps. And taking care of my mother, trying to figure out what's best for her, and me, and DH, is enough to give anyone a headache.
Dreaming of a pond in Maine, going to sleep listening to the loons calling, that's my "go to" dream.
I am also doing some craniosacral therapy, hoping that it might help to settle my head down after the trauma that it has suffered.
In the meantime, I am amusing myself with the (new to me) AVL folding dobby loom.
With its new sectional beam, it is finally operational.
This is the first of MANY dish towels. In fact, the AVL is going to be my designated towel loom.
I had a couple of threading errors, which you might see if you look close, but after two towels, I fixed them.
I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this. I even went BACK to the studio after dinner, to play with it some more.
To me, the trick is to NOT keep thinking about the parts of life that hurt. There is no point.
Instead, I do this.
I weave.
I am so grateful for it, I can't even tell you.
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