The weekend was a tough one. If anyone had ever told me I would experience pain like this and still be on my feet, I would have laughed out loud. Of course, because it's right before surgery, I can't take any of the drugs that might take the edge off. I did take a Hydrocodone on Friday and was sick all day. And if the pain wasn't bad enough, then F.E.A.R. crept in. You know the kind, the one that sneaks around and blindsides you when your defenses are next to zero. All the what ifs in the world came to rest right on my shoulders. I wanted my mother. I wanted to talk about it. I wanted to scream it to wind. I wanted to wake up and find that this was all a mistake.
But I know it's not.
It's not.
Today is another day. I pulled myself together. I needed to get my oil changed in my car, for the trip. When I got to the studio after that, Next was waiting at the corner of the house, peeking around to see when someone would come in the driveway.
I could hear him purring as I got out of the car.
I picked him up, and nuzzled his head, and told him how much I loved him.
The breeze picked up, I lifted my face and saw the golden leaves on the green metal roof of the barn, the sun glinting off it all. My eyes teared up again, and I thought: "It's still a beautiful world. Amen. It is."
Headache be damned.
I am just one person. If I am here, or not, the world will still spin, life will be lived. The days will dawn. The wind will blow, and the sun will shine. Babies will be born. All the things I am afraid of can not change any of that. So really, I ask myself, what is there to be afraid of?
Lois did the Fiber Festival all by herself this past weekend.......succesfully I might add. You're not surprised? Neither am I.
If you look up "dependable" in the dictionary, her picture SHOULD be there.
I didn't even make an appearance, that's what a wreck I was.
This morning, I did manage to wrap it all up from a business point of view, and then Lois said, "You'd better put your towels on your web site, now that the show is over."
So we took some pictures, and I came home and put them up, and sent out a newsletter.
But for all of you who don't get my newsletter, consider yourselves notified.
The TOWELS are up.
And with that, I have to go and pack. Mundane tasks to pass the time, until it's time.
A friend said to me on the phone today, " You might as well be hopeful, as bleak. It all takes the same amount of energy."
I said, "amen, dear friend, amen."
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